Government announces strategy to control inflation.
Killing demand is the best way forward, says left.
The finance minister P Chidambaram announced the UPA government’s strategy to control inflation in the capital today. Speaking in front of a packed house, he said “The key is to control the demand supply equation. If the supply side cannot keep up, then demand should be cut. And nobody is better than the congress at killing demand”
The initial target of the strategy would be disposable income, which the minister plans to limit by raising taxes. “Inflation, I was told by D. Raja, is caused by excessive spending. So the obvious thing to do is ensure people don’t have money to spend at all. So we plan to relieve everyone in the country of their money through better and higher taxes. ” he added.
Insiders say that the multi faceted strategy would first ensure that all kind of disposable income is taken away from the middle class through a new tax called the ‘squeeze’ tax. It would be levied at a progressive rate that would be set based on how much money the left thinks you can spend. The idea is to take it all away.
In an interview later, Mr. D. Raja of the Communist Party of India explained that the new tax wouldn’t be fool proof but the left, as always, had a strategy. “What this tax cannot do is take away the spare change that people might cunningly carry around in their pockets. The government has been instructed to put officers at strategic locations on the streets who will take away any spare change in anyone’s pockets. No pockets should jingle, ever again,” he added beaming.
In other news, the CBI today requested the J&K high court to allow its officials to spend longer periods with the scandalous tapes saying “longer periods… alone, with the tapes would help investigations”.
Communist party to induct Saeed al-Sahaf as spokespersonYechury beginning to make sense, insiders say.
The communist party of India announced in the capital today that it would be inducting Saeed al-Sahaf, the former Iraqi information minister, into the party. He would be given the position of party spokesperson. Addressing media men gathered at the CPI office in Delhi, Mr. Basu said “ In a politburo meeting conducted this afternoon, it was decided that Mr. al-Sahaf would be the ideal choice for the party spokesperson. We have taken this decision after carefully considering a number of candidates including Pooja bedi and Navjot Sidhu.”
In the usual frenzy that follows any CPI briefing, Mr. Basu was bombarded with questions about the removal of the present spokesperson Mr. Yechury. “ Mr. Yechury will continue to play an active role in the party, but just not as spokesperson. He will be handling the Sourav Ganguly issue” he added.
However, insiders say that party leaders were upset with Mr. Yechury because he was beginning to make sense to the public at large. On the condition of anonymity, a senior leader quoted “his performance in recent debates was below par. He has consistently failed to frustrate anchors and other speakers. His ranting has also decreased over the past few months. But the last straw was when some analysts actually agreed with him on a TV show the other night.”
Speaking about Mr. Saeed al-Sahaf later, Ms. Karat said that the politburo was impressed by his handling of the US invasion. “Even when the US had completely decimated the republican guard, he insisted they were in control. He was completely unaffected by the facts and kept to his party line. That’s the kind of spokesperson we need.” she said before sitting in for a dharna to protest the decision.
Elsewhere, NASA denied rumors that astronauts were begging to be sent into outer space before the release of Paris Hiltons music album.
Congress party members to rename children SoniaSay move aimed at fighting communal forces
Congress party leaders met today at the Congress party headquarters at 10 Janpath and unanimously agreed to rename children of all party members ‘Sonia’.
Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh, Y.S Rajshekar Reddy explained the resolution “the CWC in a unanimous resolution voted for a change. Henceforth it is mandatory for all party members to name their children, both existing and future ones, ‘Sonia’.
He rejected questions on sycophancy by adding “We firmly believe that this change would be in the party’s interests as it would unify the cadre at every level. Also, if everyone had children named Sonia, it would give us something to talk about in CWC meetings. Infact, I would recommend that every secular Indian rename his child ‘Sonia’ to fight the forces of communalism.”
In an interview later, Kapil Sibal was questioned by reporters about the difficulty faced by workers who didn’t have girl children. He said “who said anything about girl children? The resolution specifies no such discrimination. The resolution includes both sexes. Infact, Rajshekar Reddy has just renamed his only son Sonia.”
On hearing the news of the BJP accusing Sonia of megalomania, veteran congress leader Renuka Chowdary strongly defended her ‘supreme leader’. “The original resolution suggested we rename all party workers and their children, but Soniaji wouldn’t hear any of it, so we had to tone it down to its present status. I don’t think any further proof of her humility is required” she said before breaking into tears and asking Sonia Gandhi to reconsider her decision.
Meanwhile, Apollo Hospitals has released a press statement indicating that the powdery substance from Rahul Mahajan’s stomach was infact dehydrated cream cheese.
Striking Doctors change demands again
Now demand Arjun Singh stay awake during talks
In a clear sign of emerging differences between striking doctors and medical students, doctors belonging to AIIMS today demanded that union HRD minister Arjun Singh stay awake during talks being held between them. “It is becoming increasingly difficult for us to communicate with Mr. Singh, especially during meetings that last for more than 3 minutes,” their spokesperson Dr Kamat said today in a press conference called outside the hospital.
The HRD ministry quickly responded by saying that the strike had begun to lose its unity with different groups emerging within the protestors.
The secretary to the ministry Ram Chandra Guha said “First they demanded the rollback of reservation and now they are demanding that Mr. Singh stay awake during talks. The government is finding it difficult to decide who to talk to and which set of demands to consider.” “The government also out rightly rejects this fresh demand. This is how the minister functions in parliament and most cabinet meetings and nobody seems to mind.” he added.
Finance minister Chidambaram denied any knowledge of the issue but said he believed the incessant nodding was a sign of deep reflection and should not be mistaken for an involuntary sleep induced condition.
The doctors meanwhile refused to tone their demand down on the suggestion of the Prime minister, saying “Promising not to snore is just not acceptable”.
Elsewhere, management guru Arindham Chowdary announced the launch of his latest book, “If you thought my hairstyles were bad...”.
Pooja Bhatt to produce movie on J&K scandal
Movie will star Mallika Sherawat in the leadBollywood producer Pooja Bhatt is all set to make a movie on the J&K sex scandal. “Nobody can take advantage of women in this country in this manner. Not without us making some money off it anyway.” She said at a candid interview outside a popular DVD store
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“You know she means business when she starts hunting for Hollywood movie DVD’s with possibly similar themes.” Bhatt camp watchers said today. She was seen asking for titles produced by big production houses. “She is very particular about quality and remakes only the biggest movies” a beaming Mahesh Bhatt added, walking out of the adult section.
However she had to return empty handed today as Vikram Bhatt had already left with most titles.
She was later contacted when she revealed that Mallika Sherawat would be her choice of lead actor. “There is a certain innocence that Mallika can bring to the role of a 17 year old, that nobody else can. One look at her and you can tell she is perfect for the role of a frightfully naïve Kashmiri girl.”
In a sudden outburst she attacked filmmaker Vikram Bhatt of trying to stall her films by not returning DVD’s by their due dates. “It’s a deliberate attempt by him to delay the completion of my films. But I have other sources” she said, pointing to her fathers collection.
Vikram Bhatt later rubbished her allegations saying he was just trying to find ‘inspiration’ for a movie he was planning on the Mika-Rakhee episode.
In other news, Mayawati was voted the least sexy women alive by a poll conducted by bloodyobviouspolls.com.
Zee to give Mahajan his own TV show“Amazing human interest story” chief says
Zee TV has decided to give Rahul Mahajan his own TV show, reliable network insiders said today. “The Mahajan saga is an absolute human interest story and is one of the rare special TV moments that touches peoples hearts” chairman Subash Goel commented. “It is rare in India to see a wealthy politician’s son get addicted to drugs and almost OD. The show will closely follow the life and struggle of Rahul Mahajan. I believe its time to focus on the ‘aam admi’ of this country. This is cutting edge reality TV” he added.
Meanwhile, speculation is rife about who the producer of the show is likely to be, with names ranging from Vajpayee to Uma Bharti being tossed about. Sources say Mr. Vajpayee was approached but he just took too long to reply.
“We got there and asked him if he would do it, but he said nothing. He had his mouth open like he had something to say, but just didn’t. I think he was still in a thoughtful pause from another interview taken yesterday.”
Ms Bharti is being considered and the channel is hopeful that she would be able to put aside her differences with Advani and RSS chief Sudarshan, the director and Songwriter of the show, respectively.
Close on the heels of this revelation, NDTV has announced a talk show for Manu Sharma, jointly anchored by Abishiek Kasuliwal. Network chairman Prannoy Roy said in a press release “ these men are the real ‘aam admi’ of India. I think its time to see things from heir perspective. He refuted claims that this was an effort to fill the void created by Rajdeep Sardesai’s departure.
Elsewhere, the attack on Mahesh Bhatt’s office was voted the most inconsequential crime ever, in a poll taken by loudmouth.com.
