British museum to study Madonna
Pop star might be oldest relic ever studied, museum says.

The British museum announced today that its next big project would be the study of pop star Madonna. “This project will be our largest and most complicated ever. It will take massive funding and might take an estimated eight years to complete.” Museum director Peter Jenkins said.

Explaining the decision, he said “Madonna is an excellent archeological and anthropological study. We have conducted some preliminary tests and have determined that she might be over eight hundred years old, perhaps even older than Mick Jagger. On the anthropology front, we are looking to determine which culture she belongs to exactly, British, American or Amazon.”

Professor Monty Burns, the man who successfully lead the Bill Clinton study that determined that he was ‘horny as hell’ told mediapersons he was ‘very, very excited’ “I have never worked on something this ancient. It took us three months to do a preliminary study. We couldn’t get her to stop talking about herself and while she did, her accents kept changing and she would scream out things like ‘I am god’ and ‘die you bastards’. “It’s like studying a lost relic, only this one just doesn’t seem to get lost”.

But the project is not without its share of problems. Museum insiders say that her skin samples have not been sent for carbon dating yet because all the Botox needs to be drained first. There are also reports that the museum might not have the funding required to continue the project till the end. “they have already spent a lot of money on hiring language experts to determine her nationality but without any success.”

The British government has promised to help fund the project with the Prime Minister Tony Blair saying “something that is probably older and more controversial than the Turin shroud deserves all the attention and study it can get. Plus if we can prove she is American, maybe I can get George to take her back.”

In other news, Brian Lara accused the wind at Jamaica of acting against the interests of home side by not supplying him with enough ‘hot air’ to win the match.