Discovery evokes disbelief in cricket columnists
In a discovery that they claim is the biggest since the tracing
of the root of South Bombay accents, Anthropologists say they have found a man
who does not have an opinion on Sachin Tendulkar’s retirement.
In a press conference held in their University of Delhi
office, President of the Indian Anthropological Association S.M. Patnaik announced
the discovery to the world “We have located this man after years of painstaking
research and are fairly confident of our assertion. This is the kind of
discovery every Anthropologist dreams of making and I am proud to say that we
indeed have located a man who does not have any advice for Tendulkar or opinion
on the timing of his retirement.”
Talking about the careful investigation that went into the
discovery, Research Associate Prakash Mendez said that the process had started
around the World Cup when opinions began to circulate on Tendulkar’s batting technique.
“Through our network, we heard of a man who could sit through an entire debate
on this subject and not express an opinion on Tendulkar’s bat speed or hand eye
co-ordination. This got us excited because this behavioral trait is rare and
almost never exhibited. We immediately set up a field observation unit and
tracked him for almost two years.”
The scientists were understandably guarded about their
research after the debacle last year when their claim to have found the
legendary ‘girl with no opinion’ turned out to be false. Mr. Mendez added that
many additional tests were conducted and the subject’s behavior was tested in a
variety of settings to rule out any mistakes. “The clincher came after last
night’s game when after Tendulkar was clean bowled. This man did not say one
word about him falling over his front foot. We immediately knew we had the
right man.”
Members of the team declined to offer any details of the man’s
identity or location because it is believed that they fear Sanjay Manjrekar may
try and get in touch with him.
In other news, the BJP has said that if elected to power, they
will bring justice to the country by ordering a probe and devoting all of the
CBI’s resources to investigate if the Taj Mahal was actually a Shiv Temple
called Tejo Mahalya.
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