Ministry of health proposes categorization of wife beating as physical exercise

Move also seen as a gender inclusion measure

In an effort to boost men’s inclination to exercise, the Ministry of Health has proposed that wife beating be categorized as a physical activity.  The Minister for Health, who could not be identified because no one cared to know, said that the effort must not been seen as merely a statistical change. “We are aware that many men already beat their wives, but we are sure this move will encourage more men to take up the practice. The health benefits of this traditional practice are underrated and need to be counted when we measure our daily levels of exercise”.  

Justice Bhaktavatsala of the Karnataka High Court also threw his weight behind the proposal and observed that this pragmatic view of wife beating would make marriages across India seem more symbiotic and less violent.

Reacting to the proposal, the chairperson of the National Commission for Women welcomed the move and added that the change would be an acknowledgment of women’s role in society. She said efforts should also be made to measure the percentage points added to GDP on account of all the nagging women do.

Fitness centers are however uncertain about the efficacy of the exercise.  Mr. Devkar, manager of a popular chain - Talwalkar’s, cautioned that wife beating in its present form did not lead to a sustained increase in the heart rate of the man and hence could not be counted as meaningful exercise. “We are however introducing a couple’s package next month in which our personal trainer will show men how to do it correctly” he added.  The nutritionist at the center also added that asking the woman to cook after a good beating can lead to significant drop in the calorific content of the next meal, thereby promoting weight loss.